OK the suspence ????

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OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:27 am

Checking in see how it went?????? Question
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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  Admin on Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:32 am

He did a fine needle biopsy, and said we'll have to wait 3 days for the results. They will be either 1) benign...2) Malignant...or 3) unknown. He said regardless, he thinks we should take it out. He also said that 2 centimeters is "a critical cutoff point for staging"...and I'm pissed at myself for not asking "which stage"....mine is 1.9 centimeters.

Just hope I can keep myself together to get the phone call on Thrusday. I really REALLY want "benign" to be said...and then I'll hop right up there and get it gone.

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:03 pm

it's always a good sign when the doc is being calm, glad it only take a few days when I read you got a test done that needed to be sent out (I held my breath, thinking it was going to be weeks to hear back) so glad it only a few days... Got cha in my thoughts for good things !!!

Got the tropical strawberry flavor in.. Tried it this morning.. there is a grainy texture to it, but did not feel it had a chalky after taste like other reviews. Just the grainy texture,, reminds me of the texture of tomato juice.. DOESN"T taste like tomato juice lol , just trying to discripe the texture... I like the flavor with just using water. the texture is because of the rice bran protein and it doesn't bother me.

Can see that people use to indulging in their food are going to have feel different about this. Do know that ture vegans are just delighted about it, so it has to be a taste bud thing of what people are use to.

Good news I had called Alice to see if she was ok, since her father recently passed away, and out of no where she started asking about BB. I hadn't realized she was up to 200lbs and feeling just beside her self.. She was so negative about my transformation that I haven't talked about anything BB for over a year when we have randomly talked. Her daughter (15) has also gained alot of weight , I am shocked because she has always been a bean pole.. So she purchased a full box of chocolate Shakeology, and is really motivated to make a change. She wants to be a coach to get the discount. And I told her we could talk about it, first I wanted her to really focus on her and getting her goals set, then we will look at programs to pair up with her starting the walking program then talk about signing up with the full package and coach stuff.

Main thing is, I just want to be cautious, don't want the negativity.. Half of her wants the shakeology because she wants to use it for her self and happy with the benifits but then she goes towards, it's expensive and she doesn't want to have to pay out of pocket and wants instant gratification for being a coach and being reinburst for her cost.. Makes me nervious for a bad situation. Be grate to have her placed under you and know that is taken care of for a replacement.. But I don't want to have Alice not commited to her goals for her reasons and then use me as to why she fails both in her own fitness journey and not making money on day one.. So changed the focus for right now feeling she needs more time to experience why she wants BB for herself.

Am happy she so excited for a change for herself and to help her daughter,, gosh am hoping for the best that it stays at that level and she follows through.

Me an Angie have good prospects for filling our challenge group starting on the 26th of this month.. It's coming together becasue we are working at it and staying connected to all the information that is being put out there... More then welcome to join in and ask your sister to join you.. I know you don't need to loose weight but thinking building some muscle will be good.

I know in my heart P, you will be fine, you have to be, I would miss you too much tongue Hugs !!!!

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:51 pm

Waiting is excruciating. I called about 12:30, and the nurse said my results were sitting on his desk and he'd probably be calling when he got back from lunch...well fuck, I'm still waiting. It's like watching a horribly scary movie thru your fingers....ya gotta watch, but you can't take it full bore....(at least that's the only way I can do a spook movie these days)...LOL.

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:53 pm

Did you see a lurker today or something??

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:25 pm

I just now saw that you'd called...both you and my sister called when I took Moj out for his walk.... Smile

Now I'm still just waiting and waiting and waiting for the Dr. to call. Guess when she said he'd be calling after he got back from lunch, she meant somewher between 1:00 and 5:00....makes it kinda tough to get anything done but wander the house.

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:59 pm

Ok,, doesn't that Doctor know that everyone is waitting lol ... Hope you have heard by now.
yes when I came to the forum, it was like a creepy movie for there being two people here, 1 registered and 1 guest,, and they were here for 30 minutes.. And it was just so messed up creepy ...

look forward to hearing the news no matter what it is ok... Sending good thoughts...
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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:34 pm

Well...it's not good news. It is cancer....of what, we won't know until I have a PET scan...that will happen next week (they will be setting it up tomorrow). He said they found squamous cells (which is slow growing)...but without a scan, it's impossible to say exactly where from. Generally, tho....if it is lymph node in the neck, it is somewhere in the neck and head area (throat, back of tongue, tonsil area)...so another hurry up and wait....They will scan my whole body, tho....in case it is stemming from somewhere else, instead of fitting under the "generally" title.

p


Last edited by Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:40 pm

oh sweetie,, am so sorry.. I pray for the best !!!! keep you in my thoughts hows Greg taking it.
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Post  Admin on Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:50 pm

Greg is pretty much a "here and now" sort....so he's doing ok. He doesn't worry over the future much....and that's good. Calm is what I need. Ya know I've had ringing in my ears now since right after Xmas...well, that's one symptom of Pharyngeal cancer...the little tube that runs from your nose to your esophagus. I can stand knowing that I have cancer....but I honest to gawd can't stand the thought of them hacking my face and neck up getting it out....my mom breathed and talked thru a hole in her neck for the last 8 years of her life...the big muscle in her neck was gone, and she couldn't taste her food anymore. It took her almost a year to learn to talk well enough that the general public could understand her. I don't know if I have the inner strength for all that....that's my fear....I don't have what it takes to live thru all that.

Greg said..."well, you love horses and dogs...and to them almost all your words are mostly "blah blah blah"...they just catch a key word or two...you can hang out with your animals.".....

If I'm this sick, what am I going to do with my MoJo? Who is going to take care of him while I do the crap to get well? Now I'm wishing it WAS lymphoma...wish I could pick my cancer....

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:40 am

P do fee you have the inner strength you have just never needed to focus it on yourself before. But it's there. And New age tech stuff am sure is less advasive for what surgery they might need to do. And I wouldn't worry about Mojo, Greg has watch you care for dog for years, he knows what to do and understands it.. I have no doubt that when you need him , he will be there.. And he will want to do it right. Sending you good thoughts, they have come such a long way in treating cancers I pray this will be less invasive then you think..

Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs....... actually have a testiomnail from a gal that was struggling after having chemo treatments wasn't doing well on the liquid shakes they were giving her, made her feel sick to her stomach and was loosing alot of weight, she started switching out one of theirs with Shakeology and was able to gain weight the first week. only 2lbs. but it was better then loosing weight. Have you had a chance to taste the greenberry.. If you don't like it I can send you a box of chocolate tongue

Adele's favorite words (magic box) it means chicken in the mircrowave 5 minutes lol lol .. she also likes me to do the mountain lion roar.. It's her fav.... she has really grown into her self, still a pup, but gosh she so intune to listen and adjust her behavior easily when I mention it to her. She is strong P, am sure strong like trying to handle Mojo for his size and weight. Its Adele's compact structure that gives her even more power even though she ony 80lbs now.

Little puppy love funnies to get your mind off things...
Hugs for today..
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Post  PatriciafromCO on Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:43 am

I know Greg will step up to the plate.. If you makes you feel better I will pay to have Mojo sedated put on a plane and flown to me.. But I have no idea what his needs are what to look for ... I would do my best for him. Just think Greg will step up to the plate for you am sure he will. I love you
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Post  Admin on Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:34 am

Gawd...I would LOVE to meet Adele (course I'd love to meet all your babies, since I feel like I know them all) Smile But Adele is the puppy and we LOVE puppies, even the big ones.

Honey...your offer to take Moj is so very kind...but I honest to gawd, cannot burden anybody with him...he can't DO anything...he's an all day job...making sure he can pee, and making sure his bladder stays empty...giving him exercise, but not enough to cause a spell, it's just too much....then of course, "sedating" Mojo...would mean knocking him out cold for the whole ride....he can override nearly every drug they've given him except the wolf tranquilizer.

What I do...or can do...will depend on what I end up doing for myself. Staying here for surgery and radiation/chemo....or going to Texas for it. I know my Dr. is good...he's a good surgeon...but the technology at MD Anderson in Houston plus their surgeons is why they have the highest cancer survival rate in the nation. They have laser surgery, cyberknife radiation....they don't have that here....and I'd really like to come out of this as least maimed as possible. If we stay here, I'm sure Greg would step up at least enough to care for Moj....if we go, I have to face the real possibility of putting him to sleep. I can't step up there yet, tho....that is a mind warper. For once in his life, I HAVE to put my life ahead....and that is a 180 degree twist of my entire thinking for over 3 years....

Anyway, your gesture is sincerely appreciated....I love you for offering...

I feel like I've been pulled threw a knothole backwards today....so going to get some sleep. Woke up at 5:00 and demons in my head drove me out of bed...

p

I've been doing the Greenberry and the Chocolate....every other day I switch....For the upcoming trauma in my life, I absolutely HAVE to gain some weight....10 or 20 lbs....I suppose packing away 1/2 gallon of ice cream a day wouldn't be considered a healthy way to do that...DARN!! Smile
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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:20 am

Well Mojo would not be a burden for me I love him so much, and you mean the world to me, would do what ever is necessary for him. Just not sure I would do it right lol.. But I would adore him to no end. Know many people who have gone to that Hospital in TX with long term successful recoveries. Am happy that is an option for yall. For gaining weight you could add a shake either with every meal of the day, or between regular meals.

Yes as Adele matures I would recomend her to anyone that is loving and nurturing.. Bring out the best in the breed.. Anyone that was an A-hole want to do the dominat
"I'm Alpha" is where this dog would be dangerious. They not going to put up with it, and they will be negative towards all people. (Thats the normal outcome for all animals, but this breed has more ability to do harm with it)

She so heavy now and cuddles on top of me lol .. I love but end up waking up with some knots to work out in the morning she cuddles so close and wraps her paws around you. I do wonder if she will do that to Tim too..

Hugs to you , keep yall in my thoughts...

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Post  Admin on Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:05 pm

I joined a forum of people who are either being treated or have been treated for head and neck cancer, and brought up the gaining weight thing. One lady told me she made a cheesecake everyday, and ate it Smile. However, something inside of me says to gain weight in a healthy way, and that sugar isn't the way to go. I could start making my Shake with half and half, that would bolster the calorie intake...and like you said, do more than one a day.

Today I was walking Moj in the field, and one of the neighbors grandkids (Daphne, 4 years old)...came running up to the fence to see Moj. Gawd he is so good with kids! A year ago she was terrified of him (yet completely facinated)....he's just so big, but now that she's gotten to know him, she asked if she could walk with us. Tell your grandpa that it's fine with me...so off we went together...the three of us. Once Moj turned and came running up to her (that kinda scared her) and then he did a play with me bark...that scared her, too...but instead of hidng behind me she handed him a stick Smile. Course he was delighted and went on ahead chewing on his stick. Told her that was a really good thing to do...(teach distraction early, huh??...LOL).

The thing with Moj's care is....it's all frigging day long. You couldn't let him out with the others, cuz he'd want to play with Adele, and sure as hell the next thing you'd know, he wouldn't be able to pee....Then it's medicate, and wait 30 minutes...then walk....and walk....and walk till he peed...or remedicate if he doesn't pee, and keep on walking...If it wasn't for the pee thing...if all I had to worry about was his bad hips, and getting him meds every twelve hours I'd take him to my sister's, and he could live there with Ellie for a couple months. At this juncture...I just don't know what will happen.

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:58 pm

So glad you found a support group !! You know me I am as anal as you are for when it comes to the animals.. who else would spend every 30 minutes of their day for 2 weeks straight walking Johnny and getting him to walk when he didn't want to without a lead Smile I know the right answer will come to you when the time comes to make a decission.

Now you should eat regular meals and add the shake with them, will send you another box of chocolate on monday to cover everything Smile Your right gorging on surgar will only add bad fat to your body.. You need something solid .

weekend watching netflex,, story of Ruth the other night and watched Soloman and queen of sheba tonight.. Url Brenen (sp) never seen him as an actor when he had hair.. Not a bad looking man..

nice day here, turned the water back on and soaked in the tub!! guess it was saturday ..
hugs your way....
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Post  Admin on Sun Mar 11, 2012 5:21 pm

Oh yes...Yule Brenner was a HUNK!!! And he always shaved his head as far as I know...but a sexy dude for sure!

I decided I am NOT using sugar to gain weight, even in the form of icecream and cheesecake...they are full of calories, but from what I am hearing...cancer loves sugar. I have to admit tho, I ate a piece of cheesecake last night when I got home...Greg went out and picked it up just for me...gawd he is sweet. Eating a piece is my way of saying I appreciate the gesture.

From what people say on that forum, pets helped them get thru the treatment...many of them said, that getting out and walking their dogs was so healthy for them...well, I sure can get plenty of that....it will all depend on if I stay here or go elsewhere for treatment. I did meet a gal on that forum who lives in Whitefish (15 miles from me)...she gave me her number, so I'm going to give her a call. She said now that I have neck cancer, there are 5 of us in this whole valley. Rolling Eyes Gee...and I could have won the lottery, if that's the odds of getting this! But it says to me, that they sure don't do this surgery much around here....or radiate it often either. Makes me want to go somewhere, where they do this stuff everyday.

The problem with MoJo is....I can't even leave him with somebody for 2 days...that's all it would take for him to die if he plugged up. And...there's nobody I know who doesn't work...we've had the advantage of someone being there all the time ever since I started working nights. Someone home to watch over him nearly all the time.

Thank you for sending me some of our "stuff"...I'll run out fast doing more than one a day. I do like the chocolate best Smile....but the greenberry isn't bad. Next day off I'm going to pick up a decent blender (gonna need that anyway)...and I figure I can pour a whole lot more calories into a tube than down my gullet when the time comes for radiation.

Here's another little thing I'm going to do. When my mom had her voice box removed, she had to do 33 radiation treatments. My little sister talked her into going to what I called "the witch doctor"...he gave her a bunch of tinctures to help with the rads. Well....strange as it may seem....she didn't get burned AT ALL. Her Dr. and the nurses at the radiation center were astonded that her skin showed no signs in anyway of being radiated. So I'm going to him, too...the surgery is maiming enough...but it sounds to me like the radiation does most of the damage to your mouth, saliva glands, skin...etc.

Had a few bad hours last night. Greg is looking at me with total love in his eyes right now...but got scared that once he saw me bald, burned, toothless, ropey snot....and unable to care for self, he might not love the "new me" quite so much. THAT scares me more than anything the Dr.'s can do to me. The people on the forum pulled me out of that one. They are SO good there...know just what to say...I was reading and frigging sobbing at the same time. I'm not a sobber, ya know....hell, I'm not much of a cryer for that matter.

Just for the record...dying doesn't scare me all that much...I mean I'm not looking to hasten it, but getting TO the dying scares the crap out of me. It might have been easier in the old days, when people got sick...and died...without dragging it out for months and years.

You are a good sweet friend....I don't want you to feel burdened by what I say....this is just a good place to get it out...This morning before I got up, I was laying there...trying to reach back to those times when we'd say "boring is GOOD!!!" Smile...weren't those the good old days!!!

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Re: OK the suspence ????

Post  PatriciafromCO on Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:52 pm

P I don't feel burden, it's a journey I want to stay close and go through with you. I am not afraid for you. I want you to be in the best care and in the best personal inner strength you can be. Great on getting the new blender. yes there is many ways to bump up the protien carbs and calories by adding stuff. Do you have the recipe pdf..

I heard that too about sugar, I came across a guy who went through the extreme and did nothing but carrot juice for a year to starve his cancer. So happy you know someone who can combat the cemo burning.. Mrs Mary (neighbor from my childhood) she went through breast cancer and they burned her (not fully understand) but it affected the lymp nodes in her arm that she has to do continues treatments she went to the Tx Hospital, Mary treated here in CO for brain cancer was serverly burned even thought they made a mask. It must be something they haven't perfected yet. So happy you know a treatment.

Glad you have support near you. That is going to be so very helpful. Hugs for Greg, and don't worry If you would like to be a red head I would shave my head for you.. I love you

Am here for you.
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